weeeer gohna needa mahntaahhhgge!

There is probably nothing more hella bodacious crunk than a montage of me waking up every morning. For three reasons (smile, walk stage left).

Reason Number One (we start the bullshiting early when we promise three times the number of reasons that we have): Ahem. I love myself. I can’t think of anybody better in the world. He is as good at everything I want him to be good at, in all the right proportions. Who wouldn’t want a montage of me waking up every morning? Surely if you have heart problems, it may startle you enough to end your life… but then again, you will die peacefully knowing that you just experienced the happiest moment of your life. On I side note I love myself for that guarantee that he will never lie to you or exaggerate any story. (Smile walk to the far stage left as I begin my next paragraph)

Reason Number Two: Who doesn’t love a montage? Honest to God, I have never found myself fond of anyone who doesn’t love montages. If I don’t love you there’s no way you could love yourself, and if you don’t love yourself why is life worth living? So jump on the montage bandwagon. If your struggle to get on board is laborious enough and can be matched to kick ass music we will make a montage out of it. Ball is in your court. Urban Dictionary defines montage as “hella flippin crunk”, or at least it does now. It gets you fired up to do what you need to do, and it speeds up time for those of us that have to do training. Through the power of montages, Rocky Balboa was able to significantly better himself 5 times over the course of 5 movie. His combined workout? 14 pushups, 2 water buckets carried, 1 climb to an icy mountain (which took 10 seconds max), 7 pull ups, and exactly five bad ass montage music songs. You know what I’m talking about… heavy background music with a strong beat… yeah…

Reason Number Three: Who doesn’t like to wake up? To some degree, sure, we don’t want to wake up. But if you never wake up, people will never compile various footage from different angles, speeds, and locations of you rising and shining. And if it is never compiled, you better believe it will never be put to bad ass music.